"Jay, only a guy who gets out of the shower to take a piss would wear a shirt like that."

Former University of Utah basketball coach and current ESPN college basketball analyst Rick Majerus was/is a great basketball coach. Dean Smith thinks so, too. But that's not why I like him. I like him because he's a fat, funny motherfucker.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from him in recent years:

During the last minute of a 20-point blowout of Tennessee by Kentucky, Marjerus said of Kentucky’s celeb superfan Ashley Judd, “I hope I see [Judd] one more time so I won’t have to go back to the hotel to watch adult movies.”
[Heard on ESPN, 1/25/2005]

After Kentucky defeated Utah for the national title in 1998, Ashley Judd gave Utes coach Rick Majerus a hug, something he will never forget...
"She hugged me as a consolation because we lost," he said the other day. "I went to bed for two years with that as my sex life."
[St. Paul Pioneer Press, 03/24/2003]

On why the Utes don't have UCLA on the schedule ...
"They won't play us, so what can I do? There's three cheerleaders out there I'd like to take home tonight. All three would tell me no. They won't go. UCLA won't play."
[Salt Lake Tribune, 1/2/1999]

About a news article that said he was a candidate for the SDSU head coaching job ...
"I can be a candidate for anything I want. I'd like to be a candidate to date Cindy Crawford. Do you see that woman right there? She and I are candidates to be married. You're a candidate to get a haircut tomorrow."
[San Diego Union-Tribune 2/12/1999]

On wearing glasses on the court...
"I started wearing glasses last season but they're only for basketball games and dirty movies."
[Charlotte Observer 3/28/1998]

If he was to have a studio role with CBS in 2003, as he had in some past years...
"No. That Quin Snyder hairdo has overpowered me."
[Bob Wolfley, Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel, 4/2/2003]

To Jay Bilas, wearing a polo shirt rather than the traditional Hawaiian shirt while covering a tournament in Hawaii...
"Jay, only a guy who gets out of the shower to take a piss would wear a shirt like that."
[ESPN, 01/04/2005, Quoted on DukeBasketballReport.com]

About his exercise routine...
"I like to bike. I could beat Lance Armstrong, only because he couldn't pass me if he was behind me.
[USC Press Conference, 12/15/2004]

On winning the 1998 Playboy Magazine coach of the year ...
"I know I didn't get it because there's a bunch of Bunnies who couldn't wait to sit on my lap. . . . I didn't get it because the Bunnies think I look good."
[Milwaukee Journal/Sentinel, 7/25/1998]

For more Majerus quotes, go here.